As you see it so it changes

The Divine Flow.

I can not bear it.
My eyes are too small to see the truth. The light is not enough to show me where my path ends. I am confused and trapped inside things I don’t understand. I feel lost. I feel empty. I feel helpless. Sometimes even abandoned.  Different realities are playing in my head contradicting one other. I do not know in what to believe. There is no rational explanation that could comfort me.
My hands are too weak to help all in a need. And my tongue is too harsh to give someone the needed kindness.
I have no control.
Not at all.
And I can not stop dreaming. Dreaming and dreaming about things out of this world. Beyond my grasp. I dream. Even when I am here, part of me belongs somewhere else. Traveling in space and time without even moving my feet from the ground. And I wish, I wish to stay here. To stop searching for a relief outside this world.

I am just a human. Can not change much by my own. I am just a wish of divinity struggling reaching its own potential. Spending hours contemplating about the essence of this world, of this life. Trying to live it.

And I wish I loved the whole world.
But how to love something that I do not understand?
I don’t understand life. There is no shame in this. In the brightest moments, I can feel it. I can breathe it. But I do not understand it. My mind is seeking to find justice, divine judgment, perfection. But life is none of those things. And my mind is always so disappointed. How to love then? How?
The answer is slipping out of my hands every time I think I understand.
I am just a human. Tricked by my mind.
I don’t trust my mind anymore. I am too tired from its illusions of perfection. Tired of searching what does not exist. It is just a thing, a trap, a trick created by my mind to justify its rulership. So I stopped believing. My mind can not lead me. I stopped trusting its answers, logical constructions, fake paths.
I silenced it for a while.
And then I listened to the silence. It was richer than every noise. Brighter, laughter. Silence. White and buzzing.
And when I was thoughtless, all answers revealed their presence. They have been always with me, just I was not able to listen. My mind was too loud to let them speak.
How to love something I do not understand?
Only from the heart. Cause my eyes are too small, my hands are too weak, my brain is too tricky. But my heart… my heart is out of this world. And it can love even when it does not understand when it does not see when there is no justice. It can love regardless.
And it will.
When I silent my mind, my heart can speak.
The life is beyond my understanding. It changes each single second. This is the one thing I truly know. Life is a change. Movement. Constant motion. It’s like a river flowing.Like the ocean hiding secrets.
Like a sun beam.
Like me. 
I might never be able to know all secrets that it holds, but with my heart, I can trust the flow.
As I see it, so it changes.
 As I love it, so it glows.
 As I live it, so I grow.  

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