This small piece of me was written April 2017, after my first and only depression. As an Aries, I do not tend to fall into the trap of such emotions for a long time. Usually, my nature commands me to feel intense emotions, but for a short time. They are a thunderstorm. It doesn’t take long to see the blue sky after it. But this time was different. Maybe that is why I got so scared when I recognized that actually, I am in a depression. And it doesn’t matter what caused it. All that matters is how I escaped from it and what I learned. I know that if this happens again to me, I know how to handle it lovingly.
It has been very long time since my last post.
For sure there is a reason. Nothing in the universe happens by a chance.
My Scorpio soul went on a journey. Intense and dark one. Those who share my ascendant or just have a strong Pluto in their natal chart will understand, that the transformation is not an easy process no matter how prepared we are. But I believe that I am not alone in the universe and many souls are sharing the same or very similar journey right now. That is why I am writing. That is why everyone is writing, I guess.
If you want to re-define yourself, you need not only to re-evaluate the core beliefs that are currently present but to dig deeper, beyond the consciousness. The field of the unknown is where almost all our answers lay. It is ironic that this is exactly where the Scorpio soul likes to be as well.
The Scorpio soul is never satisfied. It demands more and more. No peak is high enough. No trench is deep enough. Maybe because the Scorpio soul knows that we are a very unique reflection of past, present, and future at the same time. And the Scorpio soul understands that we live to change, to evolve, to experience, to enrich our higher self.
Change is inevitable.
The way can be defined.
But what is the point the change to be so painful? Why should we experience depression, complete isolation, hate, fear? Why should we go so low? Is it possible to change without suffering? Without all this misery?
Recently all new age spiritual teachings talk about positivity. But what does the positivity mean in this sense? How we can be positive no matter what is happening?
I do not believe positivity is the key. It’s just another mask we put in order to cover what we really are. It’s just another pretending to be something that we are not. If we think that bad things on the way are positive, how would we experience them? It’s going to be just another act of suppression of our feelings.
The truth is in the middle as usual. Good and bad – it’s just a reflection in our human minds.
We tend to color in those shades.
What I do believe is the key is the acceptance. Acceptance that we do experience more and more from this world. Acceptance that life is a blessing, and just like any other gift it can hurt or cure.
And this is the point, the mechanism of the transformation – the more we feel, the more we become. The peak is as deep as the trench.
And maybe we can change without pain, but it wouldn’t be a full cycle. We fall to rise and we rise to fall. No sun is shining constantly. There isn’t just one power that rules the universe. It’s a world where everything has the exactly opposite reflection. Just like the light and the dark moon.
The fact that something is hurting us, speaks only that we are not ready to embrace it. The powers that we tend to believe are “bad” or “painful”, we just don’t manage to understand yet. But they do exist.
Simple as that – as long we deny our true self, we won’t find comfort. And we will change as many time as it takes, to become all – what we name good and what we name as bad.
There is no evil, but just a complex human nature.
Or maybe not human at all, but divine.
It takes time. Sometimes it takes many many lifetimes. And indeed, it is a journey without a map. We are here to take it. We are here to change. My Scorpio soul loves this. Loves to burn and reborn from ashes, just like a phoenix. They will be many ups and downs. No understanding will make them painless.
After the fire,
after the rain,
the Scorpio soul feels finally home.
This is all it takes
to know its own power.