I am almost laughing. It’s the eleventh day, I suddenly realized something that completely changes my perspective. It is even a bit shocking to me, but somehow, somehow I am finding in it some divine irony. I love that.
All my life, I have felt guilty of my emotions. Being too-emotional comes nowadays as a weakness and indeed it is often treated this way. The one who lets the emotions run too wild is the one who can not control him/her self. I have felt that guilt of being too sensitive. I considered somehow this as a weakness, as a point I should work on.
And because of today’s mood swings that I experienced and because of the wonderful book I am reading (and very soon I will tell much more about it), I remembered something that I knew and I discovered something new. I am writing this piece of me with such a smile that you can not even imagine. My eyes are full of light at this very moment. And it is so funny.
I felt down today without being able to recognize the actual reason for it. Well, I still have no clue where the reason lays, but I am not even sure I care about the reason now. I felt down. I felt sad. I woke up without any energy to fight for the things that matter to me. I was just doing what was needed to be done. But no passion. I felt nervous and grumpy. And for the first time during this 11 days, I was not in a connection with the love I found inside of me. But since I took a promise, to be honest with myself about how do I feel, I took it as it is.
Walking back home from work, I was wondering, looking at the sun, if this feeling of being down, being in my dark and twisty place, is the price I am paying for being so high and in the sacred place of love? Was it the price? Is everything in the world has its price? Even the feelings?
Well. I am not sure. But I know, I am oversensitive and this includes to feel my emotions stronger than the average than the normal (whatever normal is). And still inside of me was this feeling of guilt for being so sensitive. regardless the gifts I have received because of it, still, I was blaming myself for taking everything so serious and dramatic.
My mom often says that I have a soul of a poet.
But no matter how much enjoy my gifts, I considered my emotional states where I say too heavy words as a huge minus of my personality.
After a couple of hours, after a couple of pages of a favorite book and after returning to a state of balance, while I was trying to clean my apartment, suddenly I realized – the emotions are the best gift I have ever received. All of them. The good, the bad, the worst. The best.
As humans, we learn to change our focus from the mind to the heart. The emotions we are feeling are the greatest and the fastest way to do so. Being too emotional means taking an open approach towards life. Allowing to feel the life as deep as possible. Allowing to learn as much as possible. When we block our feelings, when we deny them, we close the greatest way for personal growth.
After all, we come to this Earth full of polarities in order to learn and to remember how divine we truly are.
Having a soul of a poet, for the very first time in my life, doesn’t seem to be a bad thing for me. It means that I have chosen this way of experiencing the reality. And it might be a harsh one. And it might be a difficult one. And surprisingly intense one. But it is mine.
It is remarkably funny how I have been blaming myself for my greatest power. The power of my own emotions. The power to feel. The power to be.
In fact, the emotions can serve us better than anything else. They are the reason for developing compassion and sense of love. They are the reason to be able to change enormously when we are catalyzed by them. The intellectual plan can serve us for many other things, but it will never be such an impulse to recreate our own reality and recreate our selves.
One can find exactly in most painful place, the remarkable healing powers of the Self.
And my dearest oversensitive souls out there,
It will be hard to be the gentle and the feeling one when the world feels too cold and harsh from time to time. And it will be overwhelming. And it looks like you have no control. And you will be blamed for being so sensitive. But it worths. Just because you are capable to experience the most of it, you will grow to the best of you. Never be ashamed that you feel or when you decide to show your feelings. It is a gift. Be proud of it. We all deserve our gifts.
At the end of the day, exactly this gift will help us all to open for the compassion and for the love in our world. Because the world has always been changed by those who have taken the decision to be more from something, over-оf-something. Especially oversensitive.